I have so much to do at the moment, but as is the way of my brain, i keep thinking about other things - like my archery set-up. WARNING - ARCHERY RANT AHEAD! I'm rather unsatisfied with it at the moment. As a bit of background, when you shoot a recurve bow (as i do), you really do need to tailor your arrows exactly to your bow - both arrow length and shaft stiffness have to be spot on. Get it wrong and all you can do is buy new arrows. Well, my current set-up was cobbled together last year on the cheap, when i really didn't know what i was doing, and as a result i bought arrows that were too thin and bendy for my bow. They still fly straight, sort of, but i know i drop a lot of points because of it. Not only that, but as i've practiced more, my draw length has increased, making my arrows now too short for me as well! So! The time has come to start thinking about getting new arrows. And! Since i'm doing this, i may as well get more powerful limbs for my bow, so i can shoot further. (No sense changing one when i'll need to change the other in a few months time) And! I'll need new strings too, so i can tune the force transferred to the arrow. (A heavier string will impart less force, making the arrow slower and stiffer in flight, lighter will do the opposite) Quite a shopping list.

So this is what i'm looking at:
64 " and 30-32# recurve limbs, hopefully secondhand as new they cost at least $200. I may have to get them secondhand anyway, as i have the most ancient Hoyt riser (handle) known to archerkind, and i'm not sure that the new universal limbs will fit it. Heck, my sight plate certainly didn't! :(

Set of a dozen Easton Lightspeed carbon arrows to replace my crappy dinged up aliminium ones. Not sure what size shaft yet, i'll have to check the shaft selector chart at the club. I'll have to get points to fit them too, and arrow wraps (for the fletches to stick to) as well. This won't be cheap - probably about $150ish? (My current set cost me $30!)

I've got a spare 16 strand string, but i'll probably end up needing either a 12 or 14 strand string. Hopefully i won't have to tinker with that too much.

Geez, i hope i can find limbs for my riser. I really don't want to fork out for a new riser just yet. (lot$ and lot$!) And i know my el-cheapo pressure button (centreshot) is crappy, but when the choice is between that or a Beiter $150 job, what are you going to do? *shrugs*

All moot at the moment as i can't afford any of it just yet. Man, this caper is expensive. Mind you, when yr flinging the sticks about with gay abandon on the range, it all seems worth it! :D And i do still enjoy shooting with my current set-up, it's just that i'm becoming increasingly aware of it's limitations.

*sigh* Right, back to work!

Heh, couldn't resist leading off with that header! I do look at how the Karratha pic below is coming along and think that, but at the same time i'm quite thrilled cause it *is* so different to my usual style. It seems more crude and naive - but it fits, for the most part. I'm quite enjoying the process of chopping and changing with it.



One thing i am having problems with at the mo is getting the balance right between areas of opaque paint and the more translucent washes. At the best i lose a lot of time tinting and shading, at the worst i go too far blocking in with solid colours and have to backtrack! I have to remember not to be too concerned with getting even coverage, as it can really kill a painting.
Doesn't help that Matisse have somehow changed the makeup of the Ultramarine blue in their "structure" range - it used to dry to a gloss and have lovely washy qualities, now it dries all chalky and tends to be a little more opaque. Can't get away with a tiny tint wash the way i used to... :(

Anyway - i've also started on a few Stradbroke Is. pics - little panels, only 20cm long! Easy to knock a few out at about 9-12 hours each and send them off to Pantechnicon or Tin Shed Arts for the tourist market. It would be nice to sell something soon!



This one is about half to three-quarters done. The colours haven't come out quite right in the photo, it's a bit brighter than shown.

 Yesterday was A's birthday, and it snowed! It was brilliant - winter injuries (hamstring, knee, back) over the past couple of years have kept me away from the snow, so i was super excited! Even if it was just a dusting on the top of Mt Dandenong. A told me that she hadn't gone up the mountain to check out the snow since she was a kid... ah, to be that blase about the joys of winter! That's what comes of having it on yr doorstep i guess. She also told me that if i threw a snowball at her i would be dumped! I managed to restrain myself with difficulty... :D


But after the joy of snow, i still had to ride home in the afternoon. It was so cold! I had 6 layers on my torso and three on my legs, including wet weather bike gear, plus winter gloves and boots and helmet, and i still had to stop every 50km of so to jump up and down on the side of the road to warm up! I need a thin balaclava to go underneath my helmet... i wonder if A would knit me one?

It's A's birthday this Sunday! I'm heading over to her place tomorrow night for her birthday party... bit scary, 'cause all her folks will be there and i've not met them en mass before. I'm told it's likely to be big on manic conversation and also big on food, so i guess i can cover any potential embaressment with indecision about what use to put my mouth to! :)
Anyway, on to the important matters... the presents. I think i've done ok on this score. I've made her a silver (brass core) spiral necklace and box chain bracelet set, and this:

 

Yes, it's a jigsaw! Worked up from a few of the Stradbroke Is. photos. I painted it directly on a small, blank pre-cut jigsaw template, and laquered it with a gloss medium. The image above is about halfway through photoshopping to remove the jigsaw lines... after all, you have to have an image on top of the box to work from, hey?

I hope she likes it! :D

The last two days have been totally out of control. I'm so tired. It's 12.06 on Sunday morning and i've only just returned home from Melbourne. I really don't need a cup of caffeinated anything, but the idea of a hot cup of tea is irresistible and well, i figure that i'll probably fall asleep with it in my hand at this point.


Some of the dodgy/crap things that have happened in my world the last couple of days:

1) Kryal castle invasion plans bit the dust, due to circumstances beyond anyones control. *sigh* I was looking forward to a bit of a roadtrip/silliness expedition so much, but on reflection perhaps the dead of winter isn't the best time to plan such things. (Remember Napoleon!)

2) I had to endure an hour and a half of the most exruciatingly banal conversation (monologue would be more accurate) with the worst domestic cleaner i know (admittedly not a large field). An hour of musing whether or not they could trust their ex-friend hairdresser to continue to tend to their locks, finally culminating in the epiphany of "well, if they leave me sitting with the colour half-in, it was just meant to be. Everything happens for a reason". And then they went off to Maccas for lunch.

3) I couldn't sleep last night and consequently missed my morning train to my councilling appt. After ringing up and offering my heartfelt and bleary apologies, i then proceeded to beat myself up about it for the rest of the morning. :(

4) I had occasion to use the men's toilets in a psychiatric ward. I don't recommend this to anyone, by the way. It looked as though several ppl had glanced at the oversize flush button and thought "i can hit that".

5) I missed my train home today by less than a minute, when the next train didn't depart for an hour and a half.

6) I feel a bit lonely. I miss A's company and cuddles and love and warmth next to me. We haven't seen each other since our holiday away! :((


However, the above crap was punctuated by a few lovely rays of sunshine:

1) Insomnia has driven me to raid my housemates DVD collection for something more stimulating than infomercials, and one of the gems uncovered has been the "Brother Cadfael" series. Yay for medieval murder mysteries!

2) My psychologist was incredibly lovely and understanding about my ringing to cancel our appt so late this morning. She rocks.

3) Had a short but awesome sparring session with my ba gua teacher the other night. There is something he wants me to understand about ba gua principles vs xing yi principles in actual fighting... i can understand it mentally, but the feeling is still elusive in my body. Exciting stuff. Also... deer hook knife/double short stick matching form!!!! Woo!

4) Mr. Tristan coming up and purring in my face this morning. He is so sweet.

5) Getting an awesome text message from a mate. Aw... it's so nice to feel loved!

5) One the train home tonight i was sitting next to a man and his two young sons, aged about oh? 4? 5? They'd obviously come from the footy and were still high from the excitement of backing the winning team. Anyway, they were having a little lolly picnic on the train, the man pouring out tiny waxed paper cups of cola for them and drip-feeding them jellybeans. At one stage he went to grab a jube and it flipped out of his grasp and landed smack in the middle of the book i was reading, which set all three of them off into gales of laughter. It was infectious in only the way kids laughter can be... "Oh, it's not *that* funny" moaned the father as he desperately struggled to keep it together. But it was.... it was brilliant. XD


g'morning all ...zzzz...

Today i lashed out and bought new speakers for my computer! My shonky old speakers had served me well over the last 11 years (yes, i bought them in 1997), right up until a few weeks back when they abruptly ceased to function. So, a trip to Bendigo later, i came back with 3 speakers... 2 desk mounted jobs and a subwoofer! And damn - i know these are just middle of the road, quality-wise - but holy crap batgirl...

Ok, all i'm saying is that the right song + bass subwoofer + sitting up on an exercise ball in front of the computer ... I'm sure you can work it out! 

Right, if anyone wants me, i'll be "listening" to Underworld... :D

 

An update on another Karratha pic i started last month. I'm kinda happy with the sky now - you wouldn't think it would be difficult to get the blues evenly spaced, would you? Well, that first jump from the lightest to the next tone down proved quite hard! I did a lot of stepwise pale washes to pull it back. Hills in background ok. I might flip it now and work on it upside down for a while before i attempt to pull the middle section together.



New eggs (emu) - for reasons that are too boring to go into, every six months i do an egg painting of a bird of prey. (Obsessive, moi?) I'm behind at the moment, hence starting these two together. The above is meant to be Accipiter cirrhocephalus, the collared sparrowhawk. The colouring is meant to be of a juvenile, but i wonder whether the body shape looks a bit too much like an adult?



This one is supposed to be of Accipiter fasciatus (brown gossie). My last three were of owls, and i did a few falcons before that, so i thought i'd make inroads on the hawks!

Ok! After consultation with riotqueerfemme, A and not_in_denial, a firm date for the Kryal castle raiding party has been set... Sunday the 3rd of August. This is an invitation for anyone else that wants to come! Why would i want to, i hear you ask? Well, you shall have excellent company for the day, a road trip with the prospect of medieval goodness (dungeons! jousting! mead! archery!) at the end of it, a picnic and possibly a hedge maze.
Cost will be $20/$17conc. More info here: http://www.kryalcastle.com.au/index.html

Of course, the castle might still be crap, i grant you that possibilty. My lover's ex's 17 year old son apparently goes to raves there, so it well could be. *bites fingernails anxiously* I so want to believe it's going to be good though...!

What else - oh yes. Over the last few months i have started to feel a little musically stale. It's like waking up and realising you have nothing to eat in the house. Pls, if anyone has some music recs to share with me, i would be enternally grateful! I have nothing to offer in return, unless it is to direct you to go and check out nixwilliams's music... he is awesome.

Oh, and under the random banner, here is a list of  10 Australian beers that don't taste like genetically manipulated cat's piss (One day i will start brewing my own beer and add it to the list!):

1) James Squire - IPA, Pilsner and Golden ale are very good value and widely available. IPA if you like yr hops blunt, Pilsner if you like 'em sharp and the Golden for a softer, sweeter taste. Look out for their limited releases too... Pepperberry Winter Ale is the current one and well worth a sup.
2) Holgate ESB - Stands for extra special bitter. Heaps of flavour and even better from the tap at Woodend! (Couldn't get away without mentioning the local fare!)
3) Red Duck Porter - Chocolate beer. Need i say more. :D An awesome winter beer - serve slightly warmer than usual to appreciate the complexities of this one.
4) Barefoot Radler - Save for the warmer days. Lime flavours make it very refreshing.
5) Coopers Pale Ale - also known as Coopers green. Cheap and comes in king browns (750ml bottles). Either decant to avoid the sediment or roll to mix it in, according to taste. Isn't great (has a funny aftertaste for mine) and seems to suffer from batch variation, but ok if you can't get/afford anything else. 
6) Mountain Goat - Hightail ale and pale ale are both top fermented (ie. they have sediment), IPA i can't remember? BUT - IPA is Victoria's first totally organic beer! My preference is for the Hightail, but that could be the higher alcohol content speaking!
7) Matilda Bay Rooftop Red - A lovely warming celtic red ale. Just right for the cooler months. WA brewery though, which makes it expensive.
8) Grand Ridge Pilsner - I prefer this over the Gippsland Gold, but then i've always been a bit of a sucker for saaz hops! This is a good example of the style.
9) Mildura Brewery Storm cloudy ale - I think they are going for a Witbeer style? Never been quite sure. Much lighter than the coppery orange colour suggests. Lovely citrussy aroma to it and a soft, sweet mouthfeel.
10) Little Creatures Pale ale - Being an ex-sandgroper, i had to pick another WA brew! Actually, this is an unremarkable top-fermented beer, solid and not unpleasant, but i thought it was a bit light-on for flavour. Just what some ppl like evidently, 'cause i know ppl who rave about it. Que? Maybe i ought to give it another shot...

I know that i'm a bit all over the place with this list - i don't have a tasting notebook or anything, i'm pretty much just reporting on what i can remember drinking recently. If anyone knows of a decent brew i haven't mentioned, pls rec it to me! (I've heard good things about Redoak Brewery... anyone got anything to report about their range?)

The other day the receptionist at the C'maine art gallery asked me how i was getting on with my "new life". I knew she was talking about me coming out as trans, but it struck me as a rather strange way of putting it - i mean, my life isn't made up of discrete blocks of time broken up by cataclysmic change, it's more like a flexible string that is connected from moment to moment, that can double back upon itself in one moment and then whip into the unkown the next. That's one thing this year has taught me, that everything we think is fixed and decided is continually up for re-negotiation. It's unsettling, but also exhilarating as well.

I've told just about everyone i see from day to day about my name/pronoun change now, with a few important exceptions. I've got to tell the archery club i belong to, i have to inform my Bagua teacher and school, and i have to talk to my family. *deep breath* Then i can go ahead and do the legal name change thing in clear concience. *exhale*
There's a Chewton Bowmen AGM coming up next weekend - everyone will be there, it would be an ideal time to chat to a few ppl. Also, the start of the new term is a good time to talk to Master Shao. It's going to be a hard one - archery and martial arts are areas of my life where i *do* compete physically, so my body is under constant scrutiny there. Also, many fellas have funny ideas about who they compete with, and i imagine i'll face a bit of "testing" in the interim, to see if i pass their peculiar ideas about masculinity. As a sort of not-quite-grown-up boy, i must say i'm a little apprehensive of this. Also, what about competition? Archery is so sex-segregated... would i be allowed to compete at 90M? I imagine they'd have no choice if i went on T, i'd certainly be barred from open female comp if i did! I wouldn't mind shooting in the open men's comp, but i'd prefer to see a comp based on bow release poundage combined with an archer's AA class. Fat chance of that happening in recurve archery though, being an olympic sport and all. Perhaps i ought to change to compound?

Ah, sports... it's such a problematic area. I've always loved sports, and competed in some physical activity or another all my life. Sometimes it's been mixed comp, like sailing or hockey, but more often it's been women's leagues. Either enforced (high school), or through lust (cricket and soccer provided me with my first lovers) or nececcity (there are no mixed rugby union teams!), much of my life has been spent competing amongst women. And i'll own that history, thanks, and i'll repeat it as a fella with pride. Especially rugby union - i loved that game, and I am proud to have played in many wonderful, hard, skillfull teams, including two state teams!
I only really started to seriously compete physically with men when i started martial arts 7 years ago. And i do get frustrated with the divide between the male and female students, i find i have to really push some of the fellas to get them to attack me properly. And even then, i have this feeling in the back of my mind that they are holding something back. It makes me uneasy, not knowing how much extra speed and power they aren't using. Once, i did push this guy in training and we did end up in this little bout that bordered on dinkum - we bowed in respect at the end, but he never showed up again at training  after that. That troubles me too... that i hold some mysterious power to humilate other guys, just by not letting them beat me? When we are often equal in skill anyway, just because there is this stupid idea about what sort of body ought to prevail in a physical fight? It seems to make them either wary or desperate... how can i ever feel closer to them with this shit in the way?  
Plus, the last time i trained in my binder i felt like my breathing was constricted and concentrated high in my chest. Not good news in a martial art that relys so heavily on breath regulation... very frustrating.

The last time i spoke to my mum i nearly said something. I ended up shying off by recommending that she read "Middlesex" by Jeffery Eugenides. Book recs are always safe with her, but who knows? She's pretty intuitive. I can't even think about how she's going to respond when i do tell her. I trust her love for me, but i worry about hurting her. It's like i can't even think beyond that point. Once i've told her, i'll have a better idea of how to proceed with telling dad, my sister and my half-brother.

O my god it's so late! Goodnight.

ps. Am reading such a trashy book at the moment... "The Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett. I got it at the airport on the way to Brisvegas. There are moments in it when i think hey, this is quite good, and then there will be a clunky sex scene or bit of dialogue or i'll wonder at the simplicity of some of characters' motavations... i wonder how long it'll be before it gets made into a movie or TV thingummyjig?? It seems written with the screen in mind.

So yes, after the disaster that was rough strife, i hastily packed and headed on down to Melb to meet up with A and fly out to Brisbane! Man, i was so ready for this trip. The whole of the 2nd of July was spent travelling - first the flight, then 2 trains to Cleveland, a bus to the jetty, a water taxi and then another bus out to Pt. Lookout on Stradbroke Is. Phew! The difference in the temperature was amazing... so warm! It was a case of spot the crazy southerners wildly stripping down to t-shirts and shorts, although to be fair, that seemed to be the local uniform as well. On the way in to Dunwich, our water taxi destination, i took this photo:



We were lucky with the weather for next two days too, with heaps of warm sunshine. The hotel (run by our hosts, Bob and Hazel... ex-pat New Zealanders who i'm sure have heard all the jokes before) was a mere 300M from the beach, so we spent most of our time down there, walking, swimming, snorkelling and  beachcombing. (A decided that her percussion kit needed a shell rattle, so we spent a fair bit of time looking for shells with holes in them to string together.) Perfect!
It had been ages since i'd been snorkelling, so A ran through the basics and started me out at the rocks next to the beginners beach (Cylinder beach, to give it its proper name). We didn't expect to see much, but there were HEAPS of fish! At one stage we were completely surrounded by a giant shoal of small, fast x-ray fish. Near the rocks we also spotted some black and white stripy fish and one with a beautiful pattern of yellow dots on it's back. And further out we got a glimpse of some much larger, silver fish - dinner for someone or something!  We planned to go further along to Deadman's beach on Saturday, where we had seen someone catch an octopus, but the weather was to unfortunately prevent us from doing any more snorkelling.





As close as our hotel was to the beach, it was quite a way to the local shops and whale lookout (at least for A - she doesn't cope with too much walking) so on our second day i talked her into hiring scooters for a couple of days. After some initial misgivings (she'd never piloted a 2 wheeler before) she picked it up very quickly - yay for the automatic clutch! So we both got to zoom out to Pt. Lookout proper and look for the much publicised humpback whales. We didn't have the best conditions for whale spotting during our trip, but A was sure she spotted a pod on our first trip to the point. For myself, i was less sure... there were a lot of whitecaps about, which tended to confuse my eyes. Oh well.... to be honest, i was more excited about the bird life on the island. I spotted my first Brahminy kite (heaps of them about), as well as Whistling kites, Ospreys and the distinctive White-brested sea-eagle! (And on a more prosaic note, i saw my first cane-toad too... squashed on the road.)

After the first two glorious days, the weather turned nasty for the weekend. Saturday it rained solidly all day. Undeterred, we tried to get out to go snorkeling again, but the sea was all churned up and looked more conducive to surfing than getting smashed up on the rocks. So we ended up having a rest day to knit and read and watch the rugby on the telly. On Sunday the front cleared enough to see us down the beach again with our flippers, but it was too rough. We ventured out for a surf instead, but A soon tired of fighting the current (which was incredibly strong, washing us halfway down the beach) and the whitewater, and retired to the sand. I stayed in a while longer, feeling very unfit... damn, when i was a kid i'd spend hours sporting in surf like that, now i'm stuffed after 30mins! Ah, the depredations of age...
Sunday was also market day on the island, so we went along to see what dodgy souvenirs of our trip we could find. It was pretty disappointing on that score unfortunately... most of the stalls were pretty generic. A i know was hoping for some more shell craft, but had to be content with a traditional Stradbroke Is. Nepalese singing bowl (mad crazy percussionist that she is!). I bought some of the local organic honey as presents for friends (there was a stall selling jellybush honey, which has very similar antibacterial properties to Manuka!). 

Monday was our last day... which we spent taking a day trip to Dunwich. We walked around the local cemetery and also up to the history museum (which was closed) and aboriginal art gallery (also closed). Dunwich is not a very happening town... But we did see the giant sperm whale skull outside the museum, as well as a million fruit bats, resting in the trees outside the nearby high school. (Which made me think of Hantavirus and i must admit freaked me out a touch) Back at our hotel in the late afternoon, while A had a nap, i took the opportunity for a last late stroll along the beach.


And then Tuesday we had the huge, multi-segmental trip we took out to the island to do in reverse. riotqueerfemmewas meant to pick us up from the airport, but as she had a car related malfunction, we were met instead by A's sister's boyfriend, which was lovely of him at such short notice. After bidding my dear A adieu at the train station, i set out for riotqueerfemme's for short tea and chat stop-over. It was good to see her and the maxi kittencat! After that, all that was left for me to do was head for Spencer St. Stn., bound for the hills, for home and Tris and bed. Ah, holiday, you went so quickly. 

Hm, i realise that we spent a great deal of time eating on this holiday (the evidence being around my midriff!) and i've not said a word about it yet... well, may i take this opportunity to recommend "La Foccacia" as a top place to eat on Stradbroke Is? I had SWORDFISH there one night - it was awesome! Studded with pistachios on a bed of broccolini, yum. They are mainly mediterranian oriented, lots of pasta etc (as you could guess from the name i am sure). Good ppl too and very gay friendly, also, rather strangely for a classy establishment, they do take-away??

Finished the bulk of the mailling today - the end is in sight! Now i have to mix up 3 pots of orange paint (different shades) to paint it with. I've decided against hanging it and have settled on a  tall plinth. (need to get white drop sheets) I've also finished three of the five large drawings to accompany the piece, and have settled on the sketches for the last two. Three more days, and for better or worse it will all be done.

One thing that has been good about being stuck stitching 15 billion bits of metal together has been catching up on a whole heap of movies. I'm not a massive moviegoer, i tend to wait until they come out on DVD and the promptly forget about them. In the last two weeks i've watched Look Both Ways, Somersault, Transamerica, Shortbus, Elephant, Curse of the Golden Flower, Leonard Cohen- I'm Your Man, Hot Fuzz (which was hilarious!) and Saved (although i'd seen that before). I'm sure there were others in there too but i they were the ones that stuck in my memory.

I've also been looking at life beyond this sculpture thing and the upcoming Qld trip, and have decided that i want to visit every hedge maze in Victoria by the end of this year. First up will be a trip to Ballarat region (cause it's close to me) to visit Kryal castle, even though there is no maze there; (but they do have a moat! And jousting! And dungeons! etc) and also the nearby Tangled Maze and Mistydowns nursery. not_in_denial has already said he'd join me, and i'm sure i can twist riotqueerfemme and A's respective arms... anyone else want to come?

I also have a stack of paintings to finish once i get back from Qld, but i'm not thinking about that right now.

It's the Chewton Bowmen working bee tomorrow - yay, i get to get out of the house! :D
 

 I was looking for images of what my face might look like 20-30 years from now when i came across this: http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk//Transformer/index.html

Check it out - the choices are somewhat limited, but it's still a lot of fun! Here are some of my "transformed faces"

You can blame nixwilliams for this one. :-)

Been meaning to start this protrait of

not_in_denial for weeks, this is the result of the initial assault on the canvas. I messed about for ages with getting his head positioned just right - i wanted to use his very strong profile, almost like the coin of some roman emperor. Colours i'm not so happy with at the moment. I've realised i'm missing some warmer tones from my palette (especially reds) and i really ought to address that. Can't wait until the next sitting - need more information about the shadowed areas, how the light from the screen will play on his face and possibly what to do with that big negitive space on the RHS? (Although i kinda like it as is)



Just begun another Karratha picture... i really like this composition. The top half of the painting is actually the view from my sister's house, with the telephone wires overhead. I suspect the hardest part of this painting will be getting the dying light playing across the spinifex to read just right, whilst still maintaining its surrealistic/semi-abstract nature.